You are the Lord of this universe but why do I suffer in this place?

I hear your whisper but refuse to awaken my thoughts. How long can I continue to refuse your compassionate forgiveness? Remove the veil from my heart; I can no longer hide from your presence. You were once near but now you feel so far. Busy with achieving an earthly status I sought the false securities of life. I missed your purpose and grace. My thoughts were on the world and its motives. Yet your thoughts were on my purpose and calling. You followed behind me and guarded me like Job. At the second of failure I cried out and cursed your name. But you were still there to pick me up. You could only see in my weakness what the world refused to accept in me. You gave me so much with so little. I failed to see how perfect you made me. If only sooner I found you, but you were never lost. Now that I know you, I see you everywhere. Oh, how I missed your subtle interactions. You sent rain when I needed water and gave me food when my hands were empty. You spoke life into me but in my own free will I refused you. I understood your calling but never pursued it because of doubt. You still came for me even though many accepted you. You left the ninety-nine because I made one hundred. Your ways are not my ways just as your thoughts are not mine. We will walk together one day and I will have many questions, but for now where do I go, I am here send me.

Thus says the Lord: “Keep justice, and do righteousness, for soon my salvation will come, and my righteousness be revealed. Blessed is the man who does this, and the son of man who holds it fast, who keeps the Sabbath, not profaning it, and keeps his hand from doing any evil.” Isaiah 56:1-2